Plane stupid

An unfortunate situation unfolded this week when Wilson ‘Crystal’ Palacios illustrated his travel information was as wayward as his passing.

An inaccurate tip-off from the likeable Honduran wrong-footed Brazilian new boy Sandro who arrived with a shiny new wheelie suitcase at a private terminal at Stansted Airport only to discover he was ineligible for the group stages of the Champions League. However, he was not the only one to receive a random travel invite from Senor Palacios.

“I discovered that Cheryl Cole was onboard the plane,” revealed gaffer Harry Redknapp. “I tried to sign her brother Joe. But she’s younger, fitter and offers better options in the box. And Bondy reckons she’s make a great right winger given her history. I wasn’t sure she could take the physical punishment, but Cheryl told me: ‘I’ve experienced the worst tackle you can imagine, alreet...for six years.’ JD can’t wait to link up with her; he texted me: ‘OMG! OMG! I think she can do an incredible job, er, for...the team.’

“Cheryl’s watched Bend it like Beckham nine times. That’s dedication. The game is in her head. Apparently, Wilson told her Will.i.am was on the plane...we all pissed ourselves when she found out it was Gallas. She’s on stand-by for Arsenal.”